Care and Feeding of Dark Lords
by Stick97
Summary: Why didn't anyone warn Peter about this during career day? DARK fic, see the notes! Original version from ficwad
1. Care and Feeding of Dark Lords

Just a quick bunny that came about from a line in Robst's excellent Can't Have it Both Ways.

.net/s/5402315/1/

A/N This is the original version I wrote over at ficwad, and I will post the second part shortly. I personally like the second version better, as I feel it explains and redeems Peter in a more satisfying manner. If I do continue either story, it will probably be the other version, but I am always interested in what people's thoughts are. Thanks for all your feedback! I will be posting lots of stuff over the next few days, take a look in my profile, and vote for what you would like to see continued.

WARNING!! VERY, VERY DARK! DISTURBING SCENE BELOW!!

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! Nothing!"

Peter was a mediocre wizard, he knew it, his friends had known it, and the master had been all too willing to take advantage of this.

The master had offered to show him power beyond imagining, and he had willingly betrayed the only people who had ever truly cared for him. It had led to him being chased down in the streets of London by an enraged Sirius Black, and resorting to lopping off a finger to escape. He had managed to find a wizarding family to live with, but that had ended up as years he would have gladly rather spent in hell.

Percy was actually an alright chap for the most part. Well except for the whole masturbating to technical specification manuals.

But at least he didn't subject him to the horrors the younger ones did. He shivered at the experiments the two monsters had subjected him to. Ron was a nightmare as well. He had nearly had his tail bitten off once when he had gotten too close to his food, trying to steal a bite. The little bastard would even eat his food from his cage at times. Of course, Peter had decided to get even, and would hide a small measure of food, and leave his droppings mixed in with the pellets.

But the worst? That would be the little Harry Potter-obsessed girl. Ginny was a few years away from boiling someone's pet rabbits for stew, or the next Bellatrix of her generation. The thought of her dressing him up in those damnable "Official Harry Potter Wedding Robes" again made his eye twitch uncontrollably. At least he had managed to get out of there before puberty truly kicked in.

He had been given the opportunity to redeem himself by the very boy he had wronged. The other marauders looked ready to turn him into a stuffed wall mount, and Harry had interceded. He was so like James, always willing to see the best in almost everyone. If only that greasy hook nosed bastard hadn't burst in and ruined everything. He had reacted on instinct and made a dash for freedom. Unfortunately, he knew that Sirius and Remus would not let him disappear again. He had only been able to hide because Sirius was in Azkaban, and Remus thought he was dead. Those two would find him and eviscerate him within the week without Harry there to stop them.

So Peter had done the cowardly weak thing yet again. He had returned to his master. Or what was left of him at any rate. His once proud strong master, was now nothing more than a horrid cross of an infant and a snake. If the devil himself was born of a woman, he would look his deformed master. Now Peter was taking steps to return his master to a humanoid form. He knew that Harry would be the blood sacrifice, but he hoped to have another Death Eater willing to lop off a part of themselves to resurrect the master.

Maybe there was another way? Some way to redeem himself, and protect Harry?

With a shriek, Peter tumbled over at the rasped Crucio! from his thrice cursed master. Luckily, the master's strength was minimal and the formerly brain scrambling power of his torture spell was merely agonizing. Although ending up in the long term care ward of St. Mungos was sounding better and better. Of course, if the master did scramble his brains with one too many crucios, he knew he would end up as snake food.

As he felt the curse lift, he heard his master tell him how he hungered, and needed to be fed. Heaven forbid the master simply asked politely for what he needed. No, no, no! The master was too good for that!

It was always...

Crucio! Feed me Wormtail!

Crucio! Read me the news Wormtail!

Crucio! Amuse me Wormtail!

Crucio! Ooooo this one's a smelly nappy Wormtail! Make sure you wipe my arse properly Wormtail!

Miserable snake faced bastard! Who would have thought a diet of milky snake venom and small children could make for such spectacularly horrid bowel movements. While the colors were simply mind boggling, the smell had literally caused the paint to peel from the walls. He was also sure that the master intentionally tried to urinate or defecate on him as he changed the filthy nappies.

Speaking of smells, the master needed another bath. Yet another task no one tells you about during career day when you read the glamorous brochure "So you want to be a Dark Minion?" Of course, he should have known that the Slytherins would leave things out, it was just in their nature.

"Come along master, time for your 'ritual anointing', we need to prepare you." said Peter, rolling his eyes at the master's happy bouncing and clapping his hands.

"Make sure you bring my basilisk familiar model! Not the dumb poopy-head griffin one again or I will Crucio you Wormtail!" hissed the master.

Model, yeah right. Stupid squeaky snake toy.

He noticed Nagini slip out for her nightly hunt. Good! The monster gave him horrible frights, always looking at him like he was still in his animagus form.

As the master splashed happily in his "dark ritual chamber", Peter tried to keep himself at least somewhat dry, and the floor from being soaked. If the master was not careful, he would slip and fall, bursting his head like a...

Peter couldn't. The master would flay his skin from his bones, and make a windchime from the remnants.

But he remembered Lily warning him how an infant could drown in only an inch of bathwater...

All it took was a second of inattention...

"Wormtail! Scrub my back! I've got itchies!", hissed the master.

"Yes, master. Just let me add a little annointing oil to the chamber to properly protect your skin. There now, lean forward so I can get your back properly...Just a bit more master...THERE!" screeched Peter, as he thrust the surprised Dark Lord's head under the water. He watched his master tense and try to push off from the bottom of the tub, shocked at the sudden betrayal by his most loyal servant.

His master grew more frantic as his small hands and feet slipped on the smooth porcelain surface of the tub, unable to find purchase or leverage on the oil and water slicked tub. Peter felt bile rise in his throat as his vision swam, suddenly seeing an image of precious little Harry under his hands, and he started to release him. Until he realized his master was desperately trying to mentally attack him. With a grimace, and a swallow of bitter burning bile, he pushed the master's head firmly back under the roiling waters, banging his small head against the hard tub, hoping to break the master's concentration.

He felt the dark mark on his arm ignite, and he could smell the flesh charring down to the bone, as his master tried to control him. He screamed in pain, but would not stop now. He was a dead man either way, hopefully this way would take some of the darkness from his soul. Or at least enough so that he could submit himself to Lily and James and beg for their forgiveness, before he was cast into the pits of Tartarus and eternal torment.

He could see flakes of ash circling in the room, as the air currents lofted them like hellish snowflakes, morbidly dancing in the air. The master thrashed a few more times, jerkily and uncontrolled. Peter knew he was dying, and that the mark was trying to drain the life and magic from his body to keep the drowned master alive. He sobbed out a broken plea, "Forgive me Lilly, I'm sorry James! Sirius and Remus please take care of Harry...he's such a dear boy. Harry, thank you for your kindness and trust, I hope you live a full and happy life!" With that, the weakest, most fearful of the Marauders, and the shame of Gryffindor toppled forward lifelessly onto the former darkest wizard of the past thousand years.

A/N I always see fics about how Peter is regularly belittled and cursed, and how he considers that having the dark lord back may not be such a good thing. But at heart, Peter is a terrified little man. How could he actually do something to prevent the Dark Lord's rise?

This actually made me nauseous as I wrote it. Any one who has ever bathed a child, will know why, and I apologize for the darkness of this. It is a terrifying thought, as it literally only take a few seconds for a child to drown. I need a drink.


	2. Care and Feeding of Harry Potter

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! **Nothing!**"

Part II

Harry was a very, very happy wizard. Accepting Hermione and Daphne's offer of help in deciphering the egg was leading to a memory that could launch a battalion of Patronus. He was currently in the Prefect's tub, with two scantily clad witches, covered in bubbles. To top it off, he was currently under the water, trying to focus on whatever the hell the egg was babbling about, looking at the amazing legs of the two witches in the tub with him.

Flashback

Hermione, being a proper muggle girl had brought a proper, modest dark one piece swimsuit to wear. Daphne, a proper Pureblood heiress, was all for following the old ways, and being skyclad with Harry in the tub. A blushing Hermione had refused this, and to support her, Harry had said he would go back to the tower with her. This had led to a sudden huddle between the two girls, as neither seemed to actually want that.

After a great deal of giggling, and furtive looks back towards Harry, the two witches had come to an agreement. Hermione shook Daphne's hand as both gave a firm nod, and uttered "So mote it be!" With a green flash around both girls, they both turned and smiled at Harry. The witches then took Hermione's modest one piece suit, split it into four pieces of fabric, and then transfigured it into even smaller pieces of fabric. "Go ahead and get in the tub Harry!" said Hermione. "We're just going to change and use the loo, be right back!" giggled a flushed Daphne. With that the two girls had run into the girls changing room.

Harry entered the steaming tub, and relaxed. Knowing that he had the smartest and most devious witches helping him in this bloody tournament made everything seem better. Although, he wasn't always sure which title went with which witch sometimes. Some of the looks Hermione had been giving him during the negotiating with Daphne made him a little nervous. She looked eerily like that Hungarian Horntail during the first task.

'Wonder what is taking the girls so long in there?' thought Harry, idly splashing in the tub. He swam to the edge of the tub and tried to listen in.

"Huh! I would have thought you would be just as bushy...as..." came the amused voice of Daphne, from the unclosed door.

"Honestly! Didn't you read the charms book yet? ...much more sanitary, and...easy charm and..." came the lecturing voice of Hermione.

"REALLY? Well, yours' looks so cute, why not? Is it hard..." giggled Daphne.

"...Certainly hope it will be...here let me..." laughed Hermione.

"Oooooooooo, that....tickles!" moaned Daphne.

"Doesn't it just, though? Here let me put this salve on it will keep..." muttered Hermione.

'What in the hell were those two girls up to?' wondered Harry.

"Oh my goddess!! Granger what in the seven hells are you...nevermind...carry...on..." gasped Daphne.

A few minutes later, Hermione came out, closely followed by a blushing Daphne. Hermione could have only looked more smug with a mouthful of feathers, and a dazed Daphne was wide eyed and kept glancing back and forth between Hermione and Harry. Harry arched an eyebrow at Hermione, who simply smiled wider, showing her teeth. 'There was that Horntail look again!' worried Harry. Harry knew that Hermione was fine, and that everything was going as she planned. Of course, in this particular instance, Harry was not sure of all of the details of her plan. But he trusted her.

Then Harry's eyes went from the two girls faces, and he finally noticed the attire of the two girls. He suddenly realized four important things.

1.) They had left at least 90% of the material back in the changing room.

2.) These two friends were most assuredly females of the species and smoking hot ones at that!

3.) He was very glad he was in water up to his chest.

4.) He would ALWAYS trust Hermione from here on out. To hell with that ginger bastard Ron!

"Uh, Ladies, you look amazing. Would you like to join me in the tub? It seems like it is much warmer here than out there." said Harry, wondering if the heating charms had failed on the castle flagstones. Both witches looked very...cold, and he noticed they both seemed to have a shiver. Although, maybe they did not need to fix the warming charm if it was broken?

Hermione grabbed Daphne's hand and led them both into the tub. Harry had never wanted to be a body of water before, but he would have traded his very soul at that moment to be the water lapping up the bodies of the two beauties in the tub with him. He had the sudden understanding of Hermione's passion for studying. He would be more than willing to quit Quidditch and give up magic just to do an exhaustive study of the natural buoyancy and water displacement of certain spherical objects currently bobbing in the water of the tub.

"...thing worked out as to position now Harry, do you agree? Good! Now, about the egg...**giggle** Harry. Harry! Eyes up Harry!" laughed a clearly amused Hermione.

Harry finally stopped nodding, and tore his eyes away from the standard models of perfection in spherical objects. "Uhhh, right egg! Hold on a second!" stammered Harry, as he swam to the side of the tub and grabbed the egg. He was opening it as he turned around, and saw Hermione pressed to the back of Daphne with her arms wrapped around her. She seemed to be straightening the minuscule thong that Daphne was obviously quite uncomfortable in. As Harry flushed, he slipped and fell below the surface of the water. The Egg sprang open, and instead of screeching, Harry heard a melodious voice singing...something something something.

Harry was much more interested in the two witches in front of him.

END FLASHBACK

Hermione had been doing very interesting things to Daphne, leading to moans Harry could hear over the caterwauling of that cursed egg. Suddenly both sets of witches hands left the water and raised above the foam.

'What were the two witches up to no...' thought Harry before he suddenly clutched his head in agony. His scar seemed to be bursting wide open, and he could hardly think. He was looking at the bottom of the tub, and there was a firm hand pushing him under water. Air! He was drowning! What was that fool doing? He was the most powerful wizard of all time, and he was being drowned like some squib bastard child! He was trying to call forth his loyal Death Eaters when suddenly his head was smashed against the bottom of the tub and he lost his focus. He flailed desperately, trying to free himself, when he heard Wormtail's voice.

"Forgive me Lilly, I'm sorry James! Sirius and Remus please take care of Harry...he's such a dear boy. Harry, thank you for your kindness and trust, I hope you live a full and happy life!" sobbed Wormtail. He felt an immense weight crushing his chest, and suddenly he began to cough.

"...!" screamed Hermione, as she straddled Harry trying to perform chest compressions on Harry. He had suddenly dropped below the surface of the water and she thought he would enjoy the view, so she had started whispering in Daphne's ear, while stroking the lower half of the girl's swimsuit. She had taken off Daphne's top, who had dutifully removed hers, when she had noticed the roiling water, and the bubbles coming to the surface stopping.

They had had to literally fight off a delusional and choking Harry, and bodily dragged him to the side of the tub. She had not found a pulse, so she quickly checked his airway, and started chest compressions. While she was counting in her head, she instructed Daphne on how to perform rescue breathing for Harry. Daphne had shakily nodded, and done exactly as she had been told. Finally, there had been a green flash, and Harry had turned his head to the side and started coughing up the water in his chest. Hermione had shoved Daphne to the side, and proceeded to do a thorough inspection of Harry's tonsils.

",,,,mmmff, Hermione, what happened?" asked a dazed Harry. Hermione was too distraught to talk, and merely buried her heard under his chin, sobbing.

"You drowned Potter! You went under the water and didn't come back up! What the hell were you doing you crazy fool!" chided an angry Daphne.

"First off, I think you can call me Harry, seeing as you are only some candy floss away from being in your birthday suit in front of me, Daphne. Secondly, I was distracted by what you two minxes were doing when I had a vision from Voldemort. It seems Peter decided to fulfill the life debt he owed me. He drowned the homunculus of Voldemort in a bathtub. I heard him ask for forgiveness, and then I was being pounded on the chest by our bushy haired amazon here, and snogged senseless by the two of you. I didn't think you were into rough stuff there Hermione?" laughed Harry.

**SNIFFLE**

"You'll find there isn't much I won't be up for with the man I love you prat! Although if you scare me like that again, you won't have the equipment to do more than watch! Do you really think Riddle is dead?" asked a sniffling Hermione as she sat back up and wiped her red eyes.

"Not sure, my head feels lighter than it ever has, and my magic feels like it is unbound and singing. Of course that could be due to the lack of blood that seems to have migrated south for the winter. Or the almost naked witch straddling me. Care to explain that, Hermione?" asked a smiling Harry.

"Silly girl said I was a frigid prude because of my swimsuit, and that she would be the alpha in the harem. I think we settled that didn't we Daphne?" smirked Hermione, as she reached out and pinched Daphne's erect nipple.

"Yes, Mistress!" squeaked a flushed Daphne.

"Well then, off with your trunks Harry! I am getting that monster inside of me before a herd of nargles carries you off to who knows where!" purred Hermione as she undid the ties on the sides of her suit.

The next morning.

"I swear, my hands will look like prunes for the next week!" complained a gingerly limping Daphne.

"You're the one who still wanted to figure out the clue!" laughed a smiling Harry.

"Yes, well the password might have changed, and since we were already there..." explained Daphne.

"Ha! Slut! You just wanted to shag in the tub!" snarked a bowlegged, but ecstatic Hermione.

As they entered the Great Hall, Neville ran up to the trio. He started to speak, looked at the trio as he tilted his head, closed his mouth, and then shook his head to clear it. "OK, I know what you three were up to, but where have you three been? Have you heard?"

"Heard what Longbottom?" asked a suddenly wary Daphne.

"Snape, half of the upper year Slytherins, Malfoy, Professor Moody, and Ron and Ginny were all found dead last night. They think Voldemort is dead!" yelled a jubilant Neville.

"Wait, Ron and Ginny are dead?" asked a pale Harry.

"Well, except for the Twins and Arthur, all of the Weasleys are. Turns out Molly was a dark witch, and had been love potioning Arthur for years. She had been having an affair with Lucius Malfoy, and several Death Eaters, and only the twins were Arthur's biological children. They had actually marked the children at birth! Draco and Ron had the mark on their arses, and well, lets just see Ginny's was on the front side. They found their diaries, and Ron was going to imperious Hermione into his girlfriend, and Ginny was going to seduce Harry. She had actually planned to do it first year after you "saved" her from the Basilisk." explained a blushing Neville.

"WHAT!" fumed Hermione, suddenly wanting to cast several Unforgivables.

"Uh, well she was planning to offer herself to him as a way to pay off the lifedebt she owed him for saving her. She figured he would do it just to help her out, and not knowing any better." stammered a nervous Neville.

"That BITCH! I knew she was a slag, she had slept with 3/4 of the Slytherin's but to trap Harry like that..." growled Daphne.

"Trap Harry? What do you mean Daphne? And why didn't you tell us she was such a slag?" asked a raging Hermione.

"With Harry agreeing to marry her to pay off the life debt, he would be bound to her, and there are no divorces in magical marriage. And as for the second? Well, I thought you knew? Where did you think she had kept disappearing to during the chamber thing, and after her first year?" asked Daphne.

Harry and Hermione both looked at each other, and closed their gaping mouths.

"Huh." they both chorused.

A/N This was the original version, and I do believe I am going to rewrite it, to better match what I wrote in the updated Care and Feeding of Dark Lords v2. I think I could have quite a bit of fun with this, and I also want to slow down the whole H/Hr/DG thing. The tub scene is plausible, but I think I will have them wait a bit longer. At least for the m/f/f. Maybe I should torture Harry and make the girls LUGs?


End file.
